OCD Actual Conversations: My Friends Are Creeps

This conversation occurred a couple days ago with a friend who had gotten into a car accident. Earlier in that day, he had told me that advertising and marketing were evil and that anybody in that field of work was basically soulless. Then he t-boned some marketing student that ran a red light. But it gets entertaining when it starts to get a little bit creepy.

My friend decided to get in touch with the witness that vouched for him. He did it in an usually manner though. This is from a guy who refuses to use facebook because he think it's narcissistic and stalkerish. He adamantly denied any of it being skeezy though. I want you all to read this and vote in the poll below.



AnonymousAssholeFriend: A&M marketing major, ran a fucking red light and i t-boned his ass (who was also driving a mazda 6) and splattered my whole engine across the street
AnonymousAssholeFriend: luckily it was his fault, so I guess your marketing "fuck you in the ass" gods tried to send me a message
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nevertheless, fuck them, they didn't change my opinion and I fucking hate them even more
OfficialChrisDuncan: but doesn't that kid/insurance have to take care of it?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: yeah, but it's an insurance company so i'm probably going to get lowballed and not be able to buy as badass a car as that was
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the guy said he'd been drinking but since i'm a nice guy i didn't tell the popo that or else he would have been double fucked
OfficialChrisDuncan: nice dude... good karma
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just bought that shit a month and a half ago
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and get this... the girl who was a witness had her name and number on the police report i got tonight ... looked her up on myspace 18 and hot
OfficialChrisDuncan: you're a creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: so i texted her and thanked her and we exchanged like 3 more messages
OfficialChrisDuncan: you're a huge creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and she was like "let me know if i can do anything else or hopefully i'll see you around on campus"
OfficialChrisDuncan: holy shit, you have a girlfriend now
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nah, unfortunately *****'s new ladyfriend is also his neighbor, so anything's hard to pull off at this point
AnonymousAssholeFriend: hey... all i did was text her thanks which i was going to do anyway before i saw she was pretty good looking
OfficialChrisDuncan: you are a creep... you know what's creepier than friending people you don't know that well on facebook?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: whatever, the dude wasn't going to say he ran the light
she did me a huge favor
OfficialChrisDuncan: taking their number from a police report, looking them up on MySpace, then combining thanking them with flirting with them
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, she didn't seem to mind
OfficialChrisDuncan: I didn't say she wasn't a stupid 18 year old... I said you were creepy
AnonymousAssholeFriend: listen, all i did was say "thanks for being my witness"
OfficialChrisDuncan: you probably put a smiley face in there or something
OfficialChrisDuncan: admit it
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, i actually did... with a wink
OfficialChrisDuncan: NO FUCKING WAY YOU CREEP
OfficialChrisDuncan: that's so hilarious
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just a "thanks for looking out" emoticon
OfficialChrisDuncan: I see, you were trying to speak the 18 year old lingo
AnonymousAssholeFriend: all i was doing was saying thanks... she didn't have to respond
AnonymousAssholeFriend: but she saw me last night and probably thought i was a sexy man so was encouraged to respond back
OfficialChrisDuncan: yeah, I guess she knew she was destined to be with a guy who drove a Mazda 6... and that night it was just fate
AnonymousAssholeFriend: man, i'm the least creepy dude around, i take offense to that
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahaha
AnonymousAssholeFriend: "got your number off the police report, just wanted to say thanks for being my witness ;-)
AnonymousAssholeFriend: wtf was that
AnonymousAssholeFriend: anyway, that's all i said.. i didn't ask her to get together even after she texted me back a couple more times
OfficialChrisDuncan: we'll let the internet be the judge of that

And this gem is a separate exchange that I had with another friends. My friends are impressively creepy.

AnonymousAssholeFriend: i love dillon texas
OfficialChrisDuncan: ?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the little town in friday night lights
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahah
AnonymousAssholeFriend: NBD
AnonymousAssholeFriend: i could seriously jack off to like 4 or 5 girl characters in this show
OfficialChrisDuncan: congrats