THURSDAY @ THE GREATEST BAR
"The Greatest Bar" is OK but certainly not great. It was supposed to be a Playboy Energy Party and we were just tagging along ... with our two bands that were set to play and a video crew. Our bands were running late (since they were driving in that day) but were able to finish the sound check before 9. When 9PM (the supposed start time of this party) rolled around, the Playboy Energy Bus was still AWOL. They arrived before I had a heart attack and it was quite a sight. The girls had on heels, high socks, short black skirts, and wifebeaters. Aside from the one Asian girl, they all had bleached blonde hair. They pretty much stayed in their corner all night when they weren't throwing shirts from the bar. It was an exclusive area in the most uncool way -- the bar wasn't exactly packed. The first band, Illinois, got an interesting reception. They're a badass indie rock band who include a steel guitar and banjo in the performance. I enjoyed it but the crowd wasn't exactly "getting down" ... and then they literally blew a fuse. Luckily, the (ripoff) sound guy repaired it before we scrapped the remaining performances. The White Tie Affair gave another outstanding performance that included the lead singer Chris standing on the bar. It probably had something to do with the lunchboxes that the Greatest Bar bartenders were throwing at the band. It was a strange mix of stalker-teen White Tie fans, bleach blonde models, old men, and Playboy staff -- but it was a good time.
FRIDAY - SET UP DAY
The day before CollegeFest is a beeyotch. You get to a booth that you've dropped $15K on and it looks like garbage. After the initial panic subsided, we started to put our "Playboy Lounge" together and it looked great. It was more relieving when the union guys brought our 5000 pound shipment from the receiving area. We were no longer screwed and the outlook was good. We finished in time for a reasonable dinner time.
I went to a place called Rock Bottom with Neal (who runs a sub par blog called Real Cinch) and James. They're both pencil-pushing proposal writers... that's right, you heard me... blog about it. Neal pussed out, so James and I went to Revolution Rock Bar to catch up with the Playboy Energy Bus.
There was a line outside, but we got out of the cab and just said we were with Playboy and showed our business cards. I know, I sound like a douche, but I don't think I've ever done that before in "real life" (while sober). Inside, there was a similar Playboy Energy situation... this bar was packed and the hooker-ish crew was relegated in the corner. I hate going to "da club" if I'm not sitting at a table simply because it's unbearable (and hopefully I'm drinking for free if I'm sitting at a table). From my spot in the corner, I observed that the bar was at least 2/3 guys... lame. I tried striking up a conversation with one of the Playboy Energy girls out of sheer boredom. She went along with it for a while and then went ice cold. Little did she know that I was the one being charitable. After James and I had a couple beers, the camera crew went outside to film the inside of the Energy Bus. As soon as we stepped on, some David Beckham-wannabe that was somehow "in charge" of this tour told me that everybody needed to be quiet. Two seconds later, James and I were standing outside of the bus. Nothing pisses me off more than some douchebag thinking he's important because he has 4 promo models behind him. What a prick.
SATURDAY - COLLEGEFEST DAY ONE
The first day of CollegeFest started out smoothly. The Playboy Energy Girls (one security guard called them the "Swedish Basketball Team") showed up a little bit after noon and I wasn't prepared for our models' reaction. They were all pissed off that these girls had matching outfits and they didn't. I had considered the Energy outfits whore-ish, so this was surprising. I don't think they consider the fact that I dictate their attire for these events; they have foolishly opened Pandora's Box. Maybe I'll even make it an OCD poll next time.
The drama didn't end there. Jo Garcia lost her iPhone during the event. I figured it was just James' sleazy way to get her number. But once he had her number in his phone and called it a few times, we still couldn't find it. She started freaking out, which was reasonable given the situation. Our discussion of "it sucks to lose a phone" suddenly turned when one girls conjectured that she had naked pictures of herself on the phone. I couldn't let that go and prodded her further:
OCD: What do you mean she probably had naked pictures of herself on there?And then I stole her phone. Not really. I did make a "dick pic" comment though... I can't help myself. Other than the drama of the lost phone (and no matching prostitute costumes), the day was a success. Chamillionaire, who I like, performed the last show of the day ... and sucked. It was disappointing.
BUNNY: Well, a lot of the time girls in relationships have naked pictures on her phone.
OCD: Do you have naked pictures of yourself on your phone?
BUNNY: Yes.
OCD: More than 50?
BUNNY: Ha, no!
OCD: More than 10?
BUNNY: No
OCD: More than 3?
BUNNY: Yes
OCD: Awesome, I just have two dick pics on mine.
After dinner that night, we all met in the hotel bar to have a few drinks. In one of my conversations, I was told that Brody Jenner made $30K from a recent appearance in New York. I wish my job was to "make appearances". As you know, I've rolled up on these jokers before in Phoenix. It's actually pretty close between him and his stepsister Kim Kardashian. I've heard of her making around $10K, but I've also heard that she's been paid $50K for a Miami event. By comparison, you can book an Official Chris Duncan appearance for $1000 (and you can touch it for $2000).
Unfortunately, the night ended without me being able to successfully sleaze any of our girls. That's a joke. I keep it classy. We were staying at a nice hotel though, so I was trolling the bar for hookers (just kidding, Doug) at the same time. You can spot them a mile away: usually two relatively well-dressed but slutty looking girls scanning the bar back-to-back. I saw a couple of girls like this sitting at the end of the bar and pulled up next to them while ordering a drink. I don't remember exactly how our conversation started, but we established that they had just moved to Boston from New York. Then the closer girl asked me if I was gay because she said she was gay and could pick up on "gay signals". Awesome. That's how to NOT to land a John. I still think they were hookers... probably not.
SUNDAY - COLLEGEFEST DAY TWO
An hour after the show started, Neal and I went to get lunch for the crew. Upon leaving the food court, I had three pizzas boxes in my arms and there was a slight drizzle but then something caught my eye. Some random adult man in the food court was wearing the most ridiculous shirt of all time. I've seen kids with Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse shirts and I assume they cost like $200, but this guy was wearing what looked to be a nylon Cookie Monster shirt.
Soulja Boy had the final performance at CollegeFest. I wasn't really watching, but I was later told that he threw like $2000 in cash from the stage. At least he didn't try to pick it all up like Pacman Jones. On cue when the show closes, all of the Real World cast members try to sleaze on the Playboy girls. Last year, it was Alex from Denver and Evan from Real World/Road Rules. This year, Cohutta from Sydney made his way over to our booth. It's always hilarious to me when somebody semi-famous is kind of sneaking around trying to get in. Unfortunately, there's no booze at CollegeFest, so he wasn't in drunken rake-in-the-college-poon mode like fellow cast member Isaac last week in Columbus.
With CollegeFest behind me, there's a small period of rest on the horizon. I will have to be well rested when I start growing my mustache for Movember next month.
