A Trucker Stache Can't Hide Your Shame

Michael Phelps has a laundry list of amazing accomplishments. However, I believe he's topped himself with his most recent feat. My buddy Alex sent me a link to Michael "DUI" Phelps rocking a proper trucker 'stache. In my book, this is humongous. The guy is definitely going to win medals and he will be forever remembered (in his PRIME, at that) with a trucker stache. Think it's a tribute to Mark Spitz? One more sweet Michael Phelps tidbit: his middle name is Fred.

He needs a neoprene ski mask to cover that stache? Dental dam?
You might think that Mr. Phelps is random and hilarious, but I think this facial art is backlash. In a recent photoshoot with Men's Journal, Phelps looks uber gay. I know it's a fitness/outdoor/lifestyle magazine, I know he's a swimmer so he has to wear a Speedo, etc. But this is PRETTY bad. First off, they could've pulled up their trousers a tad. Second, they don't really need to be shirtless. Third, the creative director could have branched out beyond "oiled up" and "arm on shoulder". If you're so daring, there's also a "water fight" and Michael-Phelps-Flexing-in-a-Speedo pictures on the Men's Journal website.

"How about this time around I put MY arm on YOUR shoulder?"
But now I have to know... which is a worst career move: trucker "tribute" stache or gay magazine cover? YOU DECIDE.