I was watching Democratic National Convention coverage last night on MSNBC. First, has anybody noticed that Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann cut each other off constantly? Ridiculous. Second, I think Bill Clinton could be elected again if he were allowed to run. His speech was pretty impressive. Third, less united/unity talk. Get a new slogan.... and don't say "change". That's pretty much like the drink-drank-drunk rule in Asshole.
The real reason for this post was the incredible live interviews by Chris Matthews. Apparently, NBC thought it would be awesome to get some real people on camera. The first guy was a McCain supporter with a mustache and sideburns who looked he was from 1980. My favorite person was last though. I don't know if this woman was nervous or just stupid, but she had some trouble explaining herself. I like the way she doesn't even say the word "President" or "White House" or "nomination".
Chris Matthews: Ok, madam Dumb American: Yes Chris Matthews: Well, that's all I do is ask. I don't have a question. Your feelings, your thoughts about tonight? I didn't think it was unexpectedly harmonious. You're right -- I'm part of the media that thought it would be a bigger fight. But I also don't know what's going on below the surface. When people like Governor Rendell continue to do what they do... I'm not sure what's going on. Dumb American: Here's the thing, Chris: we've got new blood coming in here... black... Obama. OK? We have his wife. The first black female, as um... first, the First Lady of this country. That is incredible. We have Hillary Clinton. The first woman that has been and gotten this far and has been so gracious in this week and in her speech yesterday passing it off to Obama. That is incredible and very awesome in this country. That's huge.
If you didn't already know, Colt McCoy wields a football hammer. At least that's the case in this picture that my brother sent me. He's also wearing a hard hat. I'm not really sure why. At least it's better than the infamous "HI, I'M COLT MCCOY" commercial where he pimps his dad's drug store.
He should keep that hammer away from his weak ass neck nerves
I've been neglecting the OCDeez and I can feel your icy glare. I'm going to blame it on the Olympics. If you didn't already know, the Olympics have been killing in the ratings. NBC's ratings for Saturday night (Michael Phelps, etc.) were higher than any broadcast since a Golden Girls episode in 1990. But that means that the Olympics have been wildly successful -- ABC, CBS, and FOX are going to register their worst people meter ratings of all time. I've been watching a lot of Olympic coverage lately, so I've taken the time to break it down from those of you who have "lives". There's a lot of reading here, and I apologize for that. But rest assured, there are pictures of hot female Olympians below.
Al Trautwig as the announcer on the gymnastics floor is hilarious. Al Trautwig is a familiar figure in New York as a correspondent for MSG. New Yorkers are used to him covering Knicks games, so it was quite hilarious to hear him calling gymnastics. The best moment was when a Japanese vaulter completely botched a landing and he let out a strong but gentle "oh my goodness". Classic.
Two of my favorite commercials so far are McCain's "Original Maverick" and the one where the sprinter's dad helps him to the finish (with Morgan Freeman narrating). McCain essentially throws Bush under the bus and throws the "Original Maverick" badge on there. Can he just bring back "Straight Talk Express" already? This guy is out of touch. The sprinter commercial is just OK, but somebody I was with proposed an interesting hypothetical: wouldn't it be awesome if a swimmer went down the same way and then his dad jumped in the water and doggy-paddle-dragged his son to the finish line? The image brings a tear to my eye.
The Chinese have dominated the gold medals. They have to be stopped. Olympic Basketball needs to count for like 10 gold medals to make it a level playing field -- or we need to eliminate synchronized diving and shooting. Those two competitions account for 9 of the Chinese gold medals.
Michael Phelps is an animal. There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said. There was a great moment during the Bob Costas-mediated conversation between Phelps and Mark Spitz. Costas essentially asked Spitz if Michael Phelps was the greatest swimmer and Olympian of all time (before he won the 8th gold medal). There was clearly lag time between when Spitz would hear the question and give his answer. So before he could answer the question, Phelps thought the question was directed at him at started with "Well, if you had asked me...". At this point, we don't even need to ask him. 8 gold medals, bitches. Let's see you try to pull that off, Chinese people.
I thank NBC for the inane retrospective on Glenn Cowan going to China. Who is Glenn Cowan? He was a table tennis player that went to China and was part of the Ping Pong Diplomacy. I found his bat-shit-crazy haircut much more interesting than that.
GAY DIX & DONG DONG
There are a lot of crazy names in the Olympics, so I took a couple camera pictures of my two favorites. One is from a sprinting heat with two American names (Gay & Dix) lined up together. The other is the name of Chinese diver Dong Dong. "Chris Duncan" is so generic.
HOT FEMALE OLYMPIANS
The Olympics are great because they showcase hundreds of incredibly fit women. Two of my personal favorites have been Katarzyna Skowronska and Sheena Tosta. I could make a typical T&A post, but the OCD is all about C-L-A-S-S. I'm going to try to be as gentlemanly as possible while treading in crude territory.
KATARZYNA "KASIA" SKOWRONSKA
Katarzyna AKA Kasia is a Polish volleyball player. Not only is she hot, but she is also a bad ass. She's generally considered the best spiker in the world. Feel free to make your own sex-related joke about that one. What's not to like about a girl that's tall, beautiful, toned, and talented girl that wears booty shorts and knee pads for a living. Feel free to make your own Polish sausage-related joke here.
SHEENA TOSTA This girl has pretty much everything you could want. It's nice to see a female sprinter that isn't humongous. She went to UCLA, so she's also smart. I think our beautiful, mocha baby could bring home a gold medal in 2030.
"NASTY" NASTIA LIUKIN This one is for Doug and Brad. People love Nastia. I've had several people demand that I get her into Playboy somehow. Don't worry guys... I'll use my incredible influence to get that done. The good thing about Nastia is that she doesn't have a hulking gymnast body.
KERI WALSH AND MISTY MAY-TREANOR The hottest thing here is the idea of a package deal. They both have husbands... so what? I'm a big time internet blogger. It's not even a competition. I'm not that crazy for either one of them, but there are times when get me quite hot and bothered. See below:
SHAWN JOHNSON Don't say Shawn Johnson. I have a handful of sick friends that feel the need to notify everybody of their desire to bone Shawn Johnson whenever they showed her. That shit is gross. Only Sergei Fedorov and Stephen Coletti can pull that shit off. Sergei is too old now, so Stephen Coletti from Laguna Beach will be hitting that in a matter of months.
My favorite girls are Katarzyna and Sheena. I think I'm going to have to go with Katarzyna here, but it's basically a tie. Who is the hottest female Olympian to you? I'm thinking that Nastia and Shawn Johnson are going to clean up. You can also put your own answers into the poll.
Madden comes out today and it's no surprise that freaks are skipping work to play. I was talking to my buddy Paul after he returned from the bar last night. He had met one of his fraternity brothers, had a few drinks, and they discussed Madden. His friend is my new hero. You can't make this stuff up.
Clearly, Jerry Rice cannot be bothered unless it's for reality TV
OCD: Madden IS out. It came out at midnight. Paul: Yeah, so I was talking to ******* and he told me that he's skipping work tomorrow to play Madden all day. OCD: Wow, what a dumbass. Although, I've actually heard of people doing that before. Paul: Yeah... but he has a PlayStation 2. OCD: (hysterical laughter)
"News: Smith looked sharp during Friday's training camp, despite missing the first hour of practice while struggling to provide a urine sample for a drug test, the Baltimore Sun reports." - ESPN Fantasy Football Player News
Troy Smith is strugg-a-ling to urinate. When I read this, I figured that it meant he was having trouble draining the snake. Alex thought it might mean that he misplaced his urine sample. In any case, it looks like Troy Smith might be in the market for a Whizzinator. Remember when you used crayons to draw people and everybody's skin was peach? Luckily, these badboys come in a variety of colors: white, tan, "latino" (hahahaha), brown, and black. I was going to get one of those for myself, but they didn't come in childrens' sizes.
Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.
Michael Phelps has a laundry list of amazing accomplishments. However, I believe he's topped himself with his most recent feat. My buddy Alex sent me a link to Michael "DUI" Phelps rocking a proper trucker 'stache. In my book, this is humongous. The guy is definitely going to win medals and he will be forever remembered (in his PRIME, at that) with a trucker stache. Think it's a tribute to Mark Spitz? One more sweet Michael Phelps tidbit: his middle name is Fred.
He needs a neoprene ski mask to cover that stache? Dental dam?
You might think that Mr. Phelps is random and hilarious, but I think this facial art is backlash. In a recent photoshoot with Men's Journal, Phelps looks uber gay. I know it's a fitness/outdoor/lifestyle magazine, I know he's a swimmer so he has to wear a Speedo, etc. But this is PRETTY bad. First off, they could've pulled up their trousers a tad. Second, they don't really need to be shirtless. Third, the creative director could have branched out beyond "oiled up" and "arm on shoulder". If you're so daring, there's also a "water fight" and Michael-Phelps-Flexing-in-a-Speedo pictures on the Men's Journal website.
"How about this time around I put MY arm on YOUR shoulder?"
But now I have to know... which is a worst career move: trucker "tribute" stache or gay magazine cover? YOU DECIDE.
From this point forward, I will refer to my "fans" as OCDeez. I think it's fittingly offensive yet affectionate. If you don't like it, F you. Don't worry though -- we can make Diddy-style transitions to sweet new aliases. You can send me suggestions. They probably won't be as funny as what I come up with though.
But this post is about the opinions of the Deez. There have been numerous polls on this site since its inception with some more surprising than others. We have made incredible discoveries: Sean Connery's Domestic Abuse Is Divisive, Everybody Thinks Matthew McConaughey Uses HGH, and Tim Tebow's Croc-Wearing Can Be Forgiven.
This is the humongous gatling gun that's inside of the A-10 Warthog. I think we should start mounting these guns on VW Beatles instead of the "Tankbuster". America, Fuck Yeah! From Wikipedia:
Although the A-10 can carry considerable disposable stores, its primary built-in weapon is the 30 mm GAU-8/A Avenger Gatling gun. One of the most powerful aircraft cannons ever flown, it fires large depleted uranium armor-piercing shells. In the original design, the pilot could switch between two rates of fire: 2,100 or 4,200 rounds per minute;[18] this was changed to a fixed rate of 3,900 rounds per minute.[19] The cannon takes about half a second to come up to speed, so 50 rounds are fired during the first second, 65 or 70 rounds per second thereafter. The gun is consistently accurate; it can place 80% of its shots within a 40-foot (12.4 meter) circle from 4,000 feet (1,220 meters) while in flight.[20] The GAU-8 is optimized for a slant range of 4,000 feet (1,220 m) with the A-10 in a 30 degree dive.[21]
