OCD Eff the AM: DVRs, Paris Hilton, and TV Sex

The first edition of Eff the AM is skewed towards entertainment news. All of them (minus the Bradley Effect) illustrate how America is concurrently awesome and ridiculous at the same time. I personally prefer Shelley from My New BFF.

• America has the most DVRs
• Simpsons receives its highest ratings in 5 seasons. "The fourth episode of the show's 20th season played to approximately 12.5 million viewers and was well-received by critics and fans."
• Familiarize yourself with the Bradley Effect. Hopefully, we'll never have to hear about it again after today.
• BFF on GGW? Corrie from Paris Hilton's My New BFF was on Girls Gone Wild.
• TV sex leads to real sex (and pregnancy). Who would've ever thought that being a good parent and controlling what your kids watch directly correlates with teen pregnancy?

OCD Late Edition: The Election, Heroes, and Bill O'Reilly

Unfortunately, this post is not about how The Election, Heroes, and Bill O'Reilly are related. That would be an amazing post though. The OCD Late Edition will be a new effort to post on a near-daily basis on this site. The common thread will be that there is no common thread -- except for it's all stuff that I care about.

• The Heroes Showrunners have been FIRED. This is a sign that NBC knows that the show is dragging ass lately. I told my friend John that I could see this show making a "graceful" transition to Sci-Fi after a couple more seasons. NBC Universal owns both NBC and Sci-Fi.
  
• Watch the Election (and know what you're talking about): Election Tools #1 and Election Tools #2
• Being a jackass has caught up to O'Reilly. Also, did you know that Bill O'Reilly uses a vibrator on himself? I feel the need to bring that up as much as possible.
• Joaquin Phoenix is going to retire from acting. Who knew that actors retired? My two initial theories are that he 1) will start a porno career or 2) he will go the way of Harry Connick Jr. and release a jazz CD.
• Boondock Saints will have a sequel
• Pepsi might have a new logo (in addition to a new marketing/PR scheme)

You Can Be Joyous; You Cannot Be A Jackass

Philadelphia fans are... intense. These are the people that threw batteries at JD Drew, tried to fight Tie Domi, and allegedly booed Santa Claus.

Trying to fight Tie Domi is never a good idea

So what was their response upon winning the World Series? Chaos. I understand getting wasted and wanting to break some stuff... but Pocono Record reported that there was even looting:

Police reported 76 arrests and several vandalized businesses; they are also examining photos and video of the crowds to identify and arrest additional offenders.

Who loots a luggage store in AMERICA? On Thursday Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter said, "You can be joyous; you cannot be a jackass ... That kind of idiotic, destructive behavior will not be accepted in the city of Philadelphia." I don't really know anything about Michael Nutter... but I like his style. This is probably one of my favorite quotes of all time. Here's the video (the quote is a little past halfway).

EDIT: Here's another video related to the Philly madness. I saw a clip like this on Maximum Exposure... and the guy broke both of his legs when he fell off of the

Willie Williams We Hardly Knew Ye

Willie Williams could out-blog me any day. Luckily, he's too busy playing football. DubDub was a promising linebacker from Florida who nearly went on to star at Miami. Now he plays at Union College in Kentucky. He did some bad things -- but nothing that hasn't gone down on a college campus before. I put him somewhere between Najeh Davenpoop and Laveraneus Coles/Peter Warrick. From Bruce Feldman:

A little Willie Williams update. The former all-everything linebacker recruit had a school-record 22 tackles for Union College (Ky.) in a 33-27 loss to Shorter College (Ga.) Thursday.

22 tackles? I don't care where you're playing -- that's insane domination. I've never seen a picture of Willie Williams, so I just picture LaVar Arrington at Penn State when I think of him. To read about the downfall of WW, check out this article from the New York Times. Below are some amazingly hilarious highlights from a journal Willie kept during the recruiting process.

This is not Willie Williams. He's probably this scary though.

Select Willie Williams quotes:

• ''Coach Bowden was cool,'' Mr. Williams said in his diary. ''But Ms. Bowden was the bomb.''
• There he was treated to a beauty pageant of sorts, which he called ''weird'' because ''there were some people talking about black history the whole time.'' He ate ''so many meatballs the people there started looking like meatballs,'' but he drew the line at eating alligator tails. ''I'm not the Crocodile Hunter,'' he said.
• 'When I saw he was driving the Escalade,'' Mr. Williams said in his diary, ''I was like, 'Dang, coach got some taste.' ''
• ''After going on these trips and living like King Tut,'' he said. ''I think business is something I want to get into.''

EDIT: My brother also sent this wonderful excerpt from the Willie Williams journals...

During the wait, several of the female hosts, nicknamed the "Tigerettes", offered him some of their spinach dip. "You know how it is, those girls are supposed to be there to cheer you up," Williams said. "But I told them, 'I ain't no animal, and I ain't going to eat no plant."

"But they kept pushing it toward me. It was disgusting. I told them, 'I'm from Miami. I don't eat that. You farm people are used to it, but not me.'"

I asked Coach Odell, 'Where we eating tonight?' Williams said. "He was like, 'The stadium' I thought he was playing. Then we ended up eating at the stadium again. I guess we spent all their money the night before."

Grant Garner has an awesome mullet

I'm watching the Texas-Oklahoma State game right now and couldn't help but notice Grant Garner's amazing mullet. This is the best picture that I could find:



My friend Sam says that he looks like Farva. I agree. I'm also going to assume that this is an ironic mullet... at least I hope it is.

Sarah Palin's Expensive Clothes are Ugly

How much do you spend on dope threads? Well, you'd spend more if you were a VP candidate... along the lines of 6 figures in a few months. This is absolutely nutty.

The Republican National Committee has spent more than $150,000 to clothe and accessorize vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family since her surprise pick by John McCain in late August.

According to financial disclosure records, the accessorizing began in early September and included bills from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York for a combined $49,425.74.

My one response: AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! If you donated to the RNC, I'm sure you're happy that Palin will have a sick wardrobe when she goes back to obscurity (and I don't mean Alaska).

OCD Actual Conversations: My Friends Are Creeps

This conversation occurred a couple days ago with a friend who had gotten into a car accident. Earlier in that day, he had told me that advertising and marketing were evil and that anybody in that field of work was basically soulless. Then he t-boned some marketing student that ran a red light. But it gets entertaining when it starts to get a little bit creepy.

My friend decided to get in touch with the witness that vouched for him. He did it in an usually manner though. This is from a guy who refuses to use facebook because he think it's narcissistic and stalkerish. He adamantly denied any of it being skeezy though. I want you all to read this and vote in the poll below.



AnonymousAssholeFriend: A&M marketing major, ran a fucking red light and i t-boned his ass (who was also driving a mazda 6) and splattered my whole engine across the street
AnonymousAssholeFriend: luckily it was his fault, so I guess your marketing "fuck you in the ass" gods tried to send me a message
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nevertheless, fuck them, they didn't change my opinion and I fucking hate them even more
OfficialChrisDuncan: but doesn't that kid/insurance have to take care of it?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: yeah, but it's an insurance company so i'm probably going to get lowballed and not be able to buy as badass a car as that was
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the guy said he'd been drinking but since i'm a nice guy i didn't tell the popo that or else he would have been double fucked
OfficialChrisDuncan: nice dude... good karma
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just bought that shit a month and a half ago
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and get this... the girl who was a witness had her name and number on the police report i got tonight ... looked her up on myspace 18 and hot
OfficialChrisDuncan: you're a creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: so i texted her and thanked her and we exchanged like 3 more messages
OfficialChrisDuncan: you're a huge creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and she was like "let me know if i can do anything else or hopefully i'll see you around on campus"
OfficialChrisDuncan: holy shit, you have a girlfriend now
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nah, unfortunately *****'s new ladyfriend is also his neighbor, so anything's hard to pull off at this point
AnonymousAssholeFriend: hey... all i did was text her thanks which i was going to do anyway before i saw she was pretty good looking
OfficialChrisDuncan: you are a creep... you know what's creepier than friending people you don't know that well on facebook?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: whatever, the dude wasn't going to say he ran the light
she did me a huge favor
OfficialChrisDuncan: taking their number from a police report, looking them up on MySpace, then combining thanking them with flirting with them
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, she didn't seem to mind
OfficialChrisDuncan: I didn't say she wasn't a stupid 18 year old... I said you were creepy
AnonymousAssholeFriend: listen, all i did was say "thanks for being my witness"
OfficialChrisDuncan: you probably put a smiley face in there or something
OfficialChrisDuncan: admit it
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, i actually did... with a wink
OfficialChrisDuncan: NO FUCKING WAY YOU CREEP
OfficialChrisDuncan: that's so hilarious
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just a "thanks for looking out" emoticon
OfficialChrisDuncan: I see, you were trying to speak the 18 year old lingo
AnonymousAssholeFriend: all i was doing was saying thanks... she didn't have to respond
AnonymousAssholeFriend: but she saw me last night and probably thought i was a sexy man so was encouraged to respond back
OfficialChrisDuncan: yeah, I guess she knew she was destined to be with a guy who drove a Mazda 6... and that night it was just fate
AnonymousAssholeFriend: man, i'm the least creepy dude around, i take offense to that
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahaha
AnonymousAssholeFriend: "got your number off the police report, just wanted to say thanks for being my witness ;-)
AnonymousAssholeFriend: wtf was that
AnonymousAssholeFriend: anyway, that's all i said.. i didn't ask her to get together even after she texted me back a couple more times
OfficialChrisDuncan: we'll let the internet be the judge of that

And this gem is a separate exchange that I had with another friends. My friends are impressively creepy.

AnonymousAssholeFriend: i love dillon texas
OfficialChrisDuncan: ?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the little town in friday night lights
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahah
AnonymousAssholeFriend: NBD
AnonymousAssholeFriend: i could seriously jack off to like 4 or 5 girl characters in this show
OfficialChrisDuncan: congrats