Kevin Garnett's NBA Finals Postgame Rant

I hope you all were watching Game 6 of the NBA Finals where the Celtics thoroughly beat down the Lakers. Kevin Garnett was assaulted by Michele Tafoya after the game and was forced into an interview. Clearly, it was an emotional moment since KG says some random and crazy things. He kicks it off with "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!" and then some profanity... sweet. Thanking Chicago and his mom and whoever else was a nice touch. The interview probably should have ended after "TOP OF THE WORLD! TOP OF THE WORLD!" The clip underneath was my first dabble with Red Lasso. It's the incredibly interesting and informative piece on Kevin Garnett bringing peanut butter and jelly to the Celtics. Red Lasso lets me get clips from broadcast TV and a few cable televisions. They've gotten cease and desist letters from the major networks... but I'll use it until The Man brings them down!

MexiKen in Action

Many of you know Mario Lopez as A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell. More recently, he's been in ABDC (my roommate insists on calling it that) or America's Best Dance Crew. I've been forced to watch short portions of this show and Mario Lopez defies logic. He's 34 now and he still looks like he's in his low 20's. He looks like a Mexican Ken Doll, so we call him MexiKen. Credit my roommate Alex for that one.

This one pretty much explains itself

MexiKen is almost offensively gigantic, so they make him wear a jacket over all of his form-fitting shirts. I'm convinced that he's on steroids or HGH just like Matthew McConaughey. I think that he probably started during the SBTB years. But that's another post for another time.

Favorite comment on the original blog post with these pictures: "He looks like he has a big delcious cock" - Anonymous


However, his garb at his other gig is even more interesting. If you don't live in New York, you may not know that Mario Lopez hit Broadway in A Chorus Line. Take deep breaths -- I know you've been waiting for years. I'm an expert web surfer, so I found a few pictures of MLope in action. Also, best line from his Wikipedia: "He was married to Ali Landry for 2 weeks, ending on May 15, 2004. The marriage was annulled over alleged infidelities committed by Lopez during the relationship, and particularly the week leading up to the wedding." Please take time to vote on your favorite MexiKen picture!



Totally DTF


Timid Climber


Cross My Heart And Hope To Fabulous

OCD Quote of the Day 6/16

"I would like to go on a piss-drinking diet."

Now this is my kind of girl. I just love a girl who loves to drink piss. I'm a little bit wary of her Caucasian-only policy. It's also a little bit strange that the girl in the picture has brown hair when she says she has blonde hair. In any case, I love the vinyl dress, I have a hot cock, and she can host. This is a win-win-win-win situation. Hands off my girl, freaks! I'd like to credit Alex for sending this one in by email (subject: my kind of girl).

Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.

Anna Faris' Ex-Husband Ben Indra

Anna Faris is in the upcoming movie House Bunny where she plays a Playboy Playmate that gets kicked out of the Mansion. I decided to do a little research on her (it's sort of my job) and found out that she used to be married. The first picture I saw of her ex wasn't out of the ordinary. Then I found a couple others that seemed to tell a story. You can draw your own conclusions...

First (from 2003)


Fat


Fattest

OCD Breakdown: Nobody Wants to Be Gay

Since most guys also erroneously associate person hygiene with gayness, Unilever mercilessly markets AXE with the message that it will get you laid. Aside from the obvious reasons, this is hilarious because they're also behind the Dove: Real Beauty campaign. Hypocrites. They've also realized that you can only make so many different kinds of soap because AXE has moved into new territory: exfoliating tools. I picked up an advance copy of the new July Playboy and saw AXE is marketing the AXE Detailer. Here's what it looks like:

The Detailer may wash off candle wax and lipstick... but what about the shame of anonymous homosexual experimentation?
You can see it has a grip, strap, and a different texture on top. But we all know this is a basic loofah. The ad in the magazine has two blurbs pointing to spots on the detailer that say "Scrubs candle wax off your chest hair" and "Washes lipstick off your neck". This way, AXE consumers know that this product is for people with penises who like vaginas. I guess candle wax and lipstick could still apply to a tranny.

If you couldn't already tell, I despise this marketing tactic. What's more aggravating is that every single men's grooming product has gone this route... shave gel, body wash, fragrance, and pretty much everything else. I use Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Oil shampoo, Kiehl's facial lotion, Neutrogena lip balm & face wash, Aveda phomollient, Aveeno bodywash & shaving cream, and a Sonicare toothbrush. Sure, the result is spectacularly smooth and soft skin, shiny and thick hair, and bright white teeth... but it's also just a reinforcement of my own vanity.

The bottom line is: AXE smells like shit, won't get you laid, and being afraid of gayness usually a good sign you might be gay in the first place.

Bringing PenisBack

In a horrible twist of irony, a Chinese baby has been born with "extra manhood" on his back. I wonder what that scar is going to look like. Thanks for sending this to me at work, Nikolai.

Worst Ads of All Time

The new WNBA commercials are horrible. They all start with WNBA stars lambasting women's basketball before it ends with "SHE WOULDN'T SAY THAT. WOULD YOU?" Don't get me wrong -- that grabs your attention and makes a point. On the other hand, they seriously fail to evoke any actions from a viewer.

At best, they can get somebody who dislikes women's basketball to say "hey, it's not so bad". If you have a viewer that's neutral or already a fan, there's nothing for them to take away from the message. At the same time, the commercial opens with overwhelmingly negative comments about women's basketball. Nobody is going to seek the WNBA on TV or buy game tickets after seeing those spots. It's like the NFL coming out with a Michael Vick/Pacman Jones commercial preaching the virtues of thug life. Although that probably WOULD increase viewership and sell tickets.

Below are two of the videos that I've actually seen on TV (during NBA games). The Candace Parker spot on top is probably worse. She has some pretty harsh words while they show a montage of WNBA highlights. The second one... I don't even have to say anything here. Even the first WNBA ad campaign ("We Got Next") is better than this crap. You can watch them for yourself and decide how much of a sexist douchebag I am...