Friday, May 2, 2008

Matthew McConaughey (allegedly) uses HGH

The best stoned/naked bongo player the entire world has HGH to thank for all of his records. I hate to break it to you, but the golden boy takes HGH. How do I know this? I injected it into his ass. Not really -- there's no Canseco-style smoking syringe here. I actually worked an event last year with a model named Amber Hay. She's been in a few movies (including Beerfest) and was Joe Francis's girlfriend... before he went to jail and became somebody's bitch. However, she's best known for impersonating Paris Hilton in a fake music video that is still one of the top 100 videos all-time on YouTube with 21,000,000+ views.

Amber Hay and Matthew McConaughey are linked on WhosDatedWho.com

Amber came out to dinner with us after CollegeFest and we talked the whole time. So far as I can remember, she's from Hawaii and her dad was a professional surfer. She moved to California within the past couple years and has been pursuing a career in acting since then. She actually seemed pretty down to earth -- which you might not expect with her look and profession. We eventually ended up talking about one of her recent projects. She said she had been working with Matthew McConaughey called Surfer Dude. She then went on to say that he used HGH. I wouldn't post this if I thought it was bullshit. There's even a comment in a blog post from JustJared that accuses him of using HGH. I mean, look at the guy... and he's almost 40 now. Amber didn't bring it up to be malicious -- she was actually trying to defend him. You know, that old "it's competitive in Hollywood and your body/face are your livelihood" argument that you hear constantly on E! when they do shows about eating disorders or plastic surgery.

I actually like the guy because he plays one of the best characters of all time in Dazed and Confused and also is a huge Texas Football fan. I can't really blame the Matthew McConaughey for using HGH. Sylvester Stallone admitted that he used HGH to get in shape for Rocky Balboa. Sly also got caught with a SHITLOAD of Chinese HGH at an airport in Australia. If you watch MTV, every single one of those hulking beasts on Real World/Road Rules Challenge roids. I think they actually recruit them based on how much they can bench press. Let's also not forget that 50 Cent, Mary J. Blige, Timbaland, and Wyclef were allegedly customers of a performance enhancing drug ring as well.

Sly Stallone defends HGH use in an interview with Matt Lauer


So I would have to lean towards believing what Amber said. I'm interested to see what other people think, so vote in the poll below:

Thursday, May 1, 2008

OCD Actual Work Email

So I'm working on "girl outreach" for a series of events coming up this month. I've been in touch with a handful of Playboy Special Edition models about working these events. Today, I got a hilarious email from one of the girls regarding her availability...
Hey chris! I just wanted to give you a heads up..I should be available for this function, however I am having a cosmetic procedure done this monday..After talking with my doctor he said I should be okay in time for this event...But just in case I wanted to let you know in the event I am not able to make it...

I approve. As Beyonce says on the Time Warner Cable commercial: UPGRADE! UPGRADE!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

OCD Classic: The "U" Loves Hungry Man

I love this commercial. Drew Rosenhaus is an awesome agent... getting his former "The U" players gigs in Hungry Man commercials. The basic premise: these NFL players go to the grocery store and buy a SHITLOAD of Hungry Man. And that's probably not a good idea if you take a look at the nutrition facts below from a Hungry Man "Classic Fried Chicken" Dinner.




Thursday, April 24, 2008

Setting Up Suzie Wong for Sauza

We're at Suzie Wong for our Sauza party. Tonight we have a Hornitos
event with an open bar from 8-11 pm. Sorry, the list is closed.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

OCD Actual Conversation

Below is a log of an actual online conversation that I had with a friend. This paints a better picture of the douchebags that I associate with. Some details have been removed/changed -- I wouldn't want to out him for being the piece of shit that he truly is.

Anonymous Asshole Friend
haha, i havent had that yet, but i had a pretty comical experience over the past couple weeks
i was trying to mack it to this girl who i met at the st patricks day parade, a friend of (name removed) basically
she was around last week

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, NICE
those are the kind of girls that I like... ones that are around, baby
haha

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and she was like, i dont want to say all over me

OfficialChrisDuncan
you can, go ahead

Anonymous Asshole Friend
but touching, and like, seeking out my conversation the whole night
and i talked to her the whole time
and we both got hammered

OfficialChrisDuncan
oh yeah

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and i honestly dont really remember a thing i talked about with her

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahahaha
that's FUCKING awesome

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i ended up walking home i assume
never said goodbye
or maybe i did, but i doubt it

OfficialChrisDuncan
the old drunken bolt

Anonymous Asshole Friend
so shes coming to the game last sat
and she like, gave me a good hello and whatnot
and anyway, after the whole day, i didnt really talk to her
btu i talked to her at the bar afterwards
and like, 2 different times i was striking up conversation, and she would answer me
and be like, yeah i actually told you this

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, and you're like "oh yeahhhhH!"

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i also was hitting on a different girl the whole time at the game

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahahah

Anonymous Asshole Friend
who was at the game, didnt really knw her ... but she recognized ... me from riding the subway
so i was like, a commuting celebrity to her

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahaha... that's a good in

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i figured i had it in the bag

OfficialChrisDuncan
yeah, the "you know who I am" routine
"and you happen to care"

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and shes super hot, so i talked to her the whole time
"so...what stop to do youget off"

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, good work...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Chinese Up Them Eyes?

I was on facebook today and saw a pretty ridiculous ad:
NYC Asian Eyelid Surgery
Edward S. Kwak MD, is one the nations top plastic surgeons specializing in Asian facial cosmetic surgery.

So there's a doctor whose last name is essentially "quack" who wants to (I assume) make your eyes look "less Asian". TELL ME MORE!

The ad reminds me of my favorite scene from The Wire. You should go to about 3:00 of the YouTube video below. Basically, some local hoods are taken to the station to help create a composite sketch of a suspect. They fuck around trying to make a picture of the guy with little success and decide to create their ideal woman using the same software. Then there's my absolute favorite part where the ringleader says "Chinese up dem eyes... like Beyonce" and his crony says "Yeah. Das Wassup." at the very end. So I will now liberally use the phrase "Chinese up dem eyes" to mean improving something and adding the "Yeah. Das Wassup" indicates that it is an extreme improvement. The "... like Beyonce" is only necessary in formal situations.



Update: The kid that says "Chinese up dem eyes" is named Anthony Fedd. You can check out his MySpace here... potential OCD Interview material?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Looking for a steamer?

You can get a really nice one from Cleveland Pressure Steamers. I recommend the PDL-4. Apparently, Armand looks for this stuff during his work day.