OCD Actual Work Email

So I'm working on "girl outreach" for a series of events coming up this month. I've been in touch with a handful of Playboy Special Edition models about working these events. Today, I got a hilarious email from one of the girls regarding her availability...

Hey chris! I just wanted to give you a heads up..I should be available for this function, however I am having a cosmetic procedure done this monday..After talking with my doctor he said I should be okay in time for this event...But just in case I wanted to let you know in the event I am not able to make it...

I approve. As Beyonce says on the Time Warner Cable commercial: UPGRADE! UPGRADE!

OCD Classic: The "U" Loves Hungry Man

I love this commercial. Drew Rosenhaus is an awesome agent... getting his former "The U" players gigs in Hungry Man commercials. The basic premise: these NFL players go to the grocery store and buy a SHITLOAD of Hungry Man. And that's probably not a good idea if you take a look at the nutrition facts below from a Hungry Man "Classic Fried Chicken" Dinner.

Setting Up Suzie Wong for Sauza

We're at Suzie Wong for our Sauza party. Tonight we have a Hornitos
event with an open bar from 8-11 pm. Sorry, the list is closed.

OCD Actual Conversation

Below is a log of an actual online conversation that I had with a friend. This paints a better picture of the douchebags that I associate with. Some details have been removed/changed -- I wouldn't want to out him for being the piece of shit that he truly is.

Anonymous Asshole Friend
haha, i havent had that yet, but i had a pretty comical experience over the past couple weeks
i was trying to mack it to this girl who i met at the st patricks day parade, a friend of (name removed) basically
she was around last week

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, NICE
those are the kind of girls that I like... ones that are around, baby
haha

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and she was like, i dont want to say all over me

OfficialChrisDuncan
you can, go ahead

Anonymous Asshole Friend
but touching, and like, seeking out my conversation the whole night
and i talked to her the whole time
and we both got hammered

OfficialChrisDuncan
oh yeah

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and i honestly dont really remember a thing i talked about with her

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahahaha
that's FUCKING awesome

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i ended up walking home i assume
never said goodbye
or maybe i did, but i doubt it

OfficialChrisDuncan
the old drunken bolt

Anonymous Asshole Friend
so shes coming to the game last sat
and she like, gave me a good hello and whatnot
and anyway, after the whole day, i didnt really talk to her
btu i talked to her at the bar afterwards
and like, 2 different times i was striking up conversation, and she would answer me
and be like, yeah i actually told you this

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, and you're like "oh yeahhhhH!"

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i also was hitting on a different girl the whole time at the game

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahahah

Anonymous Asshole Friend
who was at the game, didnt really knw her ... but she recognized ... me from riding the subway
so i was like, a commuting celebrity to her

OfficialChrisDuncan
hahaha... that's a good in

Anonymous Asshole Friend
i figured i had it in the bag

OfficialChrisDuncan
yeah, the "you know who I am" routine
"and you happen to care"

Anonymous Asshole Friend
and shes super hot, so i talked to her the whole time
"so...what stop to do youget off"

OfficialChrisDuncan
haha, good work...

Chinese Up Them Eyes?

I was on facebook today and saw a pretty ridiculous ad:

NYC Asian Eyelid Surgery
Edward S. Kwak MD, is one the nations top plastic surgeons specializing in Asian facial cosmetic surgery.

So there's a doctor whose last name is essentially "quack" who wants to (I assume) make your eyes look "less Asian". TELL ME MORE!

The ad reminds me of my favorite scene from The Wire. You should go to about 3:00 of the YouTube video below. Basically, some local hoods are taken to the station to help create a composite sketch of a suspect. They fuck around trying to make a picture of the guy with little success and decide to create their ideal woman using the same software. Then there's my absolute favorite part where the ringleader says "Chinese up dem eyes... like Beyonce" and his crony says "Yeah. Das Wassup." at the very end. So I will now liberally use the phrase "Chinese up dem eyes" to mean improving something and adding the "Yeah. Das Wassup" indicates that it is an extreme improvement. The "... like Beyonce" is only necessary in formal situations.



Update: The kid that says "Chinese up dem eyes" is named Anthony Fedd. You can check out his MySpace here... potential OCD Interview material?

Looking for a steamer?

You can get a really nice one from Cleveland Pressure Steamers. I recommend the PDL-4. Apparently, Armand looks for this stuff during his work day.

George Rodman Dislikes Cantankerous Women

My good friend George Rodman tends to blow up my GChat from time to time. I've been hounding all of my friends to send me good blog material and good ol' GRod finally came through. He sent me this wonderful link to an old (or fake) article about women in the workplace. If you're not familiar with the role of women in the workplace, this article makes it easy to understand why it's best to avoid cantankerous women and the "husky" type are both even-tempered and efficient. If you think this is bad, keep in mind our country was down with racism for about 20 years after this.

You can see the 1943 Guide to Hiring Women here.

For fun, let's see if we can come up with our own outdated and ignorant tips for working with women. Here's my #12:

12. In general, women have trouble keeping their emotions in check. For this reason, it is especially important to keep your female co-workers in a positive mood by making them feel appreciated. It only takes a small amount of effort -- a firm pat on the backside or a well-timed compliment about her figure (whether its toned or not) can do wonders.