Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Chinese Up Them Eyes?

I was on facebook today and saw a pretty ridiculous ad:
NYC Asian Eyelid Surgery
Edward S. Kwak MD, is one the nations top plastic surgeons specializing in Asian facial cosmetic surgery.

So there's a doctor whose last name is essentially "quack" who wants to (I assume) make your eyes look "less Asian". TELL ME MORE!

The ad reminds me of my favorite scene from The Wire. You should go to about 3:00 of the YouTube video below. Basically, some local hoods are taken to the station to help create a composite sketch of a suspect. They fuck around trying to make a picture of the guy with little success and decide to create their ideal woman using the same software. Then there's my absolute favorite part where the ringleader says "Chinese up dem eyes... like Beyonce" and his crony says "Yeah. Das Wassup." at the very end. So I will now liberally use the phrase "Chinese up dem eyes" to mean improving something and adding the "Yeah. Das Wassup" indicates that it is an extreme improvement. The "... like Beyonce" is only necessary in formal situations.



Update: The kid that says "Chinese up dem eyes" is named Anthony Fedd. You can check out his MySpace here... potential OCD Interview material?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Looking for a steamer?

You can get a really nice one from Cleveland Pressure Steamers. I recommend the PDL-4. Apparently, Armand looks for this stuff during his work day.

George Rodman Dislikes Cantankerous Women

My good friend George Rodman tends to blow up my GChat from time to time. I've been hounding all of my friends to send me good blog material and good ol' GRod finally came through. He sent me this wonderful link to an old (or fake) article about women in the workplace. If you're not familiar with the role of women in the workplace, this article makes it easy to understand why it's best to avoid cantankerous women and the "husky" type are both even-tempered and efficient. If you think this is bad, keep in mind our country was down with racism for about 20 years after this.

You can see the 1943 Guide to Hiring Women here.

For fun, let's see if we can come up with our own outdated and ignorant tips for working with women. Here's my #12:

12. In general, women have trouble keeping their emotions in check. For this reason, it is especially important to keep your female co-workers in a positive mood by making them feel appreciated. It only takes a small amount of effort -- a firm pat on the backside or a well-timed compliment about her figure (whether its toned or not) can do wonders.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Sex Workers Unite

I was reading an article about a Danish retirement home where a staff member had been propositioned by a resident. The solve the problem, the staff called a prostitute for the man. The article got a comment on the situation from somebody at the Danish Sex Worker's organization. Before that point, I had never even realized that there could be a sex worker organization. So I decided to do a little more research. I found two of these foundations in Australia and The Netherlands that are quite real.

Probably one of my favorite pictures of all time...

The Australian Sex Worker organization does a great job providing information. On their Q&A page, you can find clear answers to questions you may have. Here's a small sample:

Sex work - what is it?
Sex work is the exchange of sexual services for money or goods.

Sexual Services - what are they?
The definition of sexual services adopted in Victoria has three main activities under it. They are:
  • Taking part with someone in an act of sexual penetration. This includes oral, anal and vaginal sexual penetration. If you put a tongue, finger or other part of the body or an object, into a vagina, anus or mouth - or let any of these things be done to you - it's an act of sexual penetration (Crimes Act 1958).
  • Masturbating someone. To be considered masturbating, their genitals can be clothed and they don't have to cum.
  • Letting someone view acts of sexual penetration or masturbation when there is any form of physical contact between any watcher and any watched or when any watcher is allowed or encouraged to masturbate.
If you get money or goods for doing any of these things, you are doing sex work.


Has anybody realized that they're doing sex work yet? Apparently, Australia has a very proud tradition of sex work. According to the Scarlet Alliance:

Prostitutes, or ‘doxies’ or ‘blowens’ or ‘biters’ or ‘strumpets’ as they might have been called by the marines and convicts of the 18th century, were among the very first white women ever to step onto the continent of Australia when they arrived at Sydney Cove with the First Fleet in 1788.

And let's not forget about The Netherlands. The Red Thread has started a Pimp Free Zone campaign.

You'd think the logo would be a chalice with an X through it


Rode Draad and Vakwerk started a sticker and poster campaign against pimps. They are putting up stickers and posters on windows with the phrases "Pimpfree Zone" and "Pimping is forbidden in The Netherlands".

Despite our Puritanical roots, there is a similar organization in the US called Sex Workers Outreach Project. They define themselves as a "Sex Workers Outreach Project-USA is a national social justice network dedicated to the fundamental human rights of sex workers and their communities, focusing on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy." I think I'm going to start calling OfficialChrisDuncan.com a social justice network. SWOP is in San Francisco... and you know New York doesn't enjoy being left out. So that's where SWANK comes in. SWANK is a group of former and current sex workers based out of New York City. The SWANK MySpace profile shows that they have an event in New York on May 8th. Looks like the OfficialChrisDuncan has a party to cover...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Real World Hollywood First Impressions

My roommates and I had the new Real World: Hollywood DVR'd, so we decided to give it a gander last night. I'm a Real World purist, so it was immediately disappointing that there was no gay guy/closed-minded country boy duo. However, it does look like this cast has a good amount of potential volatility. Joey and Greg look like they will both eventually try to kill somebody. I'm also not sure I'll ever give a shit about these people. They're all "aspiring" to be this or that. I'm actually surprised that the Joey guy has been likeable so far... I'm really looking forward to his "I WASN'T LIKE THIS UNTIL I CAME HERE" outburst. The three girls are not very exciting at all. Will is cool. Alex and I have started the official Will from Real World Hollywood Das Wassup Count. The count currently stands at 3.

There's a lot of wife beater in that hot tub

Rembrandt van Rite Aid

I haven't made an entry into the bat-shit-crazy category for a while. But when I walked into the Rite Aid before work earlier this week, I encountered something out of the ordinary. I wanted to grab a meal-in-a-bar product and passed a guy sitting in a folding chair. I quickly realized that he wasn't interested in purchasing said chair -- he was drawing. Rite Aid is a drug store ... and he certainly wasn't drawing the beef jerky and Gatorade that were right in front of him. So now you can understand why I was pretty shocked that a creepy looking guy had posted up in the middle of a store at 9AM.

Luckily, I was able to snap a I'm-just-casually-looking-at-my-phone picture of him on my way back towards the front of the store. I was a little bit afraid that he might notice me taking the picture and try to kill me... but I knew that it would make for great blog filler. While cropping/tagging the picture, I decided it would be interesting to try and see what he was drawing. There's a 300% zoomed and rotated copy of his notepad in the lower left. No, that is not a person drawing the same thing that he is while standing behind him. I'm pretty positive it's a city over some body of water ... so half of it is a reflection. I went into Rite Aid this morning and did not see the scribbling genius at work. I did see the chair though...

Rembrandt van Rite Aid only works in the shade... BOO YAH Rembrandt van Rite Aid

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

OCD Quote of the Day II

Don't ever write another word about me, or you'll need an eyepatch over your other eye.
Those were Criss Angel's choice words for a Las Vegas at the Miss USA competition. Apparently, his girlfriend did not win and he thought this was due to a column penned by said author. The author actually has an eye patch on one of his eyes already. Mr. Angel tried to coerce the judges into giving his girl high marks and was exposed by the journalist. Sorry, jackass. Now if only somebody would expose him for being a shitty magician. I never thought somebody could out-lame David Blaine.

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