OCD Eff the AM: USA Chants, Katie Couric, and Holograms

I voted yesterday. It took me about 10 minutes and was directly on my walk from my apartment to the subway. My voting machine looked like it was made in the 1940's and it was quit confusing. Hopefully it counted! My friend told me that his polling place was the Old Fish Hatchery in San Marcos. The line took him 3 hours and apparently he drank beer in line (OCD does not advocate this). Below the links are three sweet "USA chant" videos. Cheers to democracy!

• Here's the transcript of Obama's Victory Speech.
  
• Katie Couric does not know her commercial references. Eveready Bunny? Huh?
• Last night, CNN had a correspondent in-studio VIA HOLOGRAM. The problem? My television isn't 3D.
  
• "Clearly, all of us can learn something from this guy." Thanks for the tip, Brad. This story is both disgusting and hilarious.
• The New Yorker releases their digital edition. Good thinking... butt not there yet.
  
• Hopefully nobody actually fell for this. "But college told me the election was moved to tomorrow!"
• If you didn't know, my former roommate Alex coined the nickname MexiKen for Mario Lopez.

Madison Halloween 2006 USA Chant
I like this one because it makes no sense

Hoyas USA chant outside White House
More genuine and awkward... every USA chant must come to an end with "woos"

blackhawks USA chant

I once started a rhythmic clap at an assembly in elementary school... still haven't topped that

OCD Late Edition: Death of the 'Net, Mac is Back, & Google Booze

It's too bad Anne Hathaway found a new man. I'll find a way to destroy him. If you don't get my Rick Sutcliffe reference, here's the conversation (via MSNBC):

The trio first talked about golf and actor Bill Murray, who was with Sutcliffe at the game. The conversation turned to Sutcliffe’s daughter, who, the pitcher said, has been accepted to Harvard Medical School.

That’s when Sutcliffe began to meander.

“She’s on her way to Africa tomorrow,” Sutcliffe said. “How about that? Over there on one of those missions, man. George Clooney — you been reading about all that, you been seeing that?”

To which Vasgersian responded with surprise: “George Clooney?”

“Yeah, he’s up there with the Congress, he’s trying to get everybody to go over there and solve that thing.”

Sutcliffe then said: “I’m getting yelled at from Bill Murray in the back. I need to go. I’d much rather hang with you guys.”

Grant thanked Sutcliffe for joining them.

“Mud, you’re the best, man,” Sutcliffe replied. “Anybody on Earth that doesn’t like Mark Grant, they’ve got problems.”

Sutcliffe then asked Vasgersian, “Matty, what are you still doing here in San Diego?”

Vasgersian tried to steer the conversation to baseball, but Sutcliffe persisted.

“No, no, no, Matty — everybody on Earth has been trying to steal you — the Dodgers, the Cubs, ESPN. What are you still doing here?”

Sutcliffe’s microphone apparently was cut off then, because a voice in the background can be heard saying: “They turned it off.”

• Hey, Rick Sutcliffe, Matt Vasgersian finally got a real broadcasting deal with the MLB Network!
• AT&T adds a cap just like Comcast and Time Warner. Nice knowing you, the internet.
• Mac is Back (in a ridiculous YouTube video)! My favorite part is when he smokes a cigarette at like :40. Is this a joke?
• Anne Hathaway has a new boyfriend. Time for me to set him up for fraud charges!
• Hopefully Obama wins… or our political celebrities might leave us! Tim Robbins almost didn’t get to vote!
• Admit it… Heroes isn’t so hot anymore. Here’s how it could be better.
• Too bad the Presidential Election is only once every four years. Because it’s the only time SNL gets good ratings.
• King of the Hill might not be dead thanks to ABC
• Google is getting tipsy with beer ads

SIDE NOTE ON THE ELECTION: Why does CBS even attempt legitimate Election coverage? I was just watching thinking that it might be neutral but it was just unbearably bad. They lost audio for both of their remote interview subjects while I was watching. Viacom also owns Comedy Central. Just bite the bullet and put Jon Stewart on network television for a night. He'd get wayyyy better ratings. Plus, nobody even takes Katie Couric seriously...

Hot Girls Love MexiKen (Mario Lopez)

My friend (and Playboy Cyber Girl) Brittany Sylvanowicz recently attended the Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion. I guess my invite got lost in the mail. In any case, the Mansion is probably a great place to see beautiful women and celebrities that are trying to get laid. One of these such guests was Mario Lopez, who we call MexiKen.

By the time this picture was taken, Mario Lopez had already had sex 42 times with 25 different women

Here's Brittany's account of the meeting:

i was walking through the playboy mansion and say mario lopez swarmed by a million girls, all wanting to take pictures with him. i started freaking out because i was so excited to see him. i never had a crush on him before that, so it was shocking to me that i was so excited. i asked mario if he would mind taking a picture with me, he said sure. after we took our picture i said "i seriously love you... like i just love you." he held my hand and said "awww thank you, what's your name?" with those gorgeous dimples of his. i told him my name and said "i seriously am in love with you." then more girls took pictures with him and that was it :(

Clearly, she's not a real MexiKen fan. She does not mention ABDC, Extra, "sex addiction", steroids, or A Chorus Line. I know how Mario feels though -- women are often shocked at how excited they are when they see me too. But instead of warmly acknowledging them, I usually try to lock in with some intense eye contact while I lick my lips. Then it's just a matter of beating them to the door when they try to run away. Done and done.

OCD Eff the AM: DVRs, Paris Hilton, and TV Sex

The first edition of Eff the AM is skewed towards entertainment news. All of them (minus the Bradley Effect) illustrate how America is concurrently awesome and ridiculous at the same time. I personally prefer Shelley from My New BFF.

• America has the most DVRs
• Simpsons receives its highest ratings in 5 seasons. "The fourth episode of the show's 20th season played to approximately 12.5 million viewers and was well-received by critics and fans."
• Familiarize yourself with the Bradley Effect. Hopefully, we'll never have to hear about it again after today.
• BFF on GGW? Corrie from Paris Hilton's My New BFF was on Girls Gone Wild.
• TV sex leads to real sex (and pregnancy). Who would've ever thought that being a good parent and controlling what your kids watch directly correlates with teen pregnancy?

OCD Late Edition: The Election, Heroes, and Bill O'Reilly

Unfortunately, this post is not about how The Election, Heroes, and Bill O'Reilly are related. That would be an amazing post though. The OCD Late Edition will be a new effort to post on a near-daily basis on this site. The common thread will be that there is no common thread -- except for it's all stuff that I care about.

• The Heroes Showrunners have been FIRED. This is a sign that NBC knows that the show is dragging ass lately. I told my friend John that I could see this show making a "graceful" transition to Sci-Fi after a couple more seasons. NBC Universal owns both NBC and Sci-Fi.
  
• Watch the Election (and know what you're talking about): Election Tools #1 and Election Tools #2
• Being a jackass has caught up to O'Reilly. Also, did you know that Bill O'Reilly uses a vibrator on himself? I feel the need to bring that up as much as possible.
• Joaquin Phoenix is going to retire from acting. Who knew that actors retired? My two initial theories are that he 1) will start a porno career or 2) he will go the way of Harry Connick Jr. and release a jazz CD.
• Boondock Saints will have a sequel
• Pepsi might have a new logo (in addition to a new marketing/PR scheme)

You Can Be Joyous; You Cannot Be A Jackass

Philadelphia fans are... intense. These are the people that threw batteries at JD Drew, tried to fight Tie Domi, and allegedly booed Santa Claus.

Trying to fight Tie Domi is never a good idea

So what was their response upon winning the World Series? Chaos. I understand getting wasted and wanting to break some stuff... but Pocono Record reported that there was even looting:

Police reported 76 arrests and several vandalized businesses; they are also examining photos and video of the crowds to identify and arrest additional offenders.

Who loots a luggage store in AMERICA? On Thursday Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter said, "You can be joyous; you cannot be a jackass ... That kind of idiotic, destructive behavior will not be accepted in the city of Philadelphia." I don't really know anything about Michael Nutter... but I like his style. This is probably one of my favorite quotes of all time. Here's the video (the quote is a little past halfway).

EDIT: Here's another video related to the Philly madness. I saw a clip like this on Maximum Exposure... and the guy broke both of his legs when he fell off of the

Willie Williams We Hardly Knew Ye

Willie Williams could out-blog me any day. Luckily, he's too busy playing football. DubDub was a promising linebacker from Florida who nearly went on to star at Miami. Now he plays at Union College in Kentucky. He did some bad things -- but nothing that hasn't gone down on a college campus before. I put him somewhere between Najeh Davenpoop and Laveraneus Coles/Peter Warrick. From Bruce Feldman:

A little Willie Williams update. The former all-everything linebacker recruit had a school-record 22 tackles for Union College (Ky.) in a 33-27 loss to Shorter College (Ga.) Thursday.

22 tackles? I don't care where you're playing -- that's insane domination. I've never seen a picture of Willie Williams, so I just picture LaVar Arrington at Penn State when I think of him. To read about the downfall of WW, check out this article from the New York Times. Below are some amazingly hilarious highlights from a journal Willie kept during the recruiting process.

This is not Willie Williams. He's probably this scary though.

Select Willie Williams quotes:

• ''Coach Bowden was cool,'' Mr. Williams said in his diary. ''But Ms. Bowden was the bomb.''
• There he was treated to a beauty pageant of sorts, which he called ''weird'' because ''there were some people talking about black history the whole time.'' He ate ''so many meatballs the people there started looking like meatballs,'' but he drew the line at eating alligator tails. ''I'm not the Crocodile Hunter,'' he said.
• 'When I saw he was driving the Escalade,'' Mr. Williams said in his diary, ''I was like, 'Dang, coach got some taste.' ''
• ''After going on these trips and living like King Tut,'' he said. ''I think business is something I want to get into.''

EDIT: My brother also sent this wonderful excerpt from the Willie Williams journals...

During the wait, several of the female hosts, nicknamed the "Tigerettes", offered him some of their spinach dip. "You know how it is, those girls are supposed to be there to cheer you up," Williams said. "But I told them, 'I ain't no animal, and I ain't going to eat no plant."

"But they kept pushing it toward me. It was disgusting. I told them, 'I'm from Miami. I don't eat that. You farm people are used to it, but not me.'"

I asked Coach Odell, 'Where we eating tonight?' Williams said. "He was like, 'The stadium' I thought he was playing. Then we ended up eating at the stadium again. I guess we spent all their money the night before."