Tying Up Loose Ends

Just in case you were holding your breath waiting for closure, here are some updates on previous items. If none of the below is confusing, then you read my blog way too fucking much.

OCD INTERVIEW: MARK FRAZIER & BLAIR O'NEAL
I've been in some recent correspondence with Blair, who was one of my bodypainted models. Looks like she'll probably work at the Playboy Golf Scramble in Phoenix. Recently, I've had a Playmate, the Playmate "mother", and the guy who runs Playboy Golf tell me to come out to LA for the Scramble Finals. I've never been to the Playboy Mansion, so this would be a great time to do that. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I'm going to be in Cabo until the day I'd need to be in LA. So that's either really good or really bad. Now, I have to convince them to fly me there...

AMERICAN GLADIATORS SUCKS
I don't really think I need to go over this again.

FIRE ISIAH @ MSG
I made the signs and the Knicks lost... so that part went as planned. I couldn't get everybody into it though. Maybe that's a good thing. Since we could've been kicked out for having a FIRE ISIAH sign.

BECOMING LESS FAT
Recap coming later.

TRASHING THE BUCKET LIST
I'll never see this movie and I'm nearly positive that it's a piece of shit. It did much better than the horrible failure that I predicted. I said 45 with a max of 60 mill at the domestic box office. That was obviously insane. I had originally typed 60 with a 75 million domestic box office as a ceiling. It'll probably peter out before it even sniffs $100 million which should be within the next few weeks.

National Tragedy: Kevin Durant Eats a Booger

Well, this makes me feel like an ass. This is the best Texas Basketball recruit of all-time doing something a toddler shouldn't do. At least you don't see VY eating boogers. Thanks to DChu, probably the biggest Texas-hater that I know, for this link. Check out the video below for the greatest ass slap of all time.



Damion James doesn't fuck around when it comes to attaboys on the backside. Here's the proof. AJ Abrams probably had a mark on his cheeks after that forceful show of affection.

OCD Classic: The Hip Hop Magician!

Uncle Majic AKA The Hip Hop Magician is one of my new favorite people. I caught his commercial on TV earlier today. We were catching up on Rock of Love 2 when this gem came on. This is a great commercial. I've transcribed the script below:
Uncle Majic: Hi I'm Uncle Majic the hip hop magician!
Shock-Kim: And I'm Shock-Kim the clown!

Uncle Majic: I'm who the celebrities call for their kids' birthday parties!
Shock-Kim: NO! I'm the one that the celebrities call for their kids' birthday parties!

Uncle Majic: We have
Uncle Majic: Magic shows
Uncle Majic: Balloon animals
Uncle Majic: Games for kids
Uncle Majic: Popcorn machine
Uncle Majic: Cotton candy machine
Uncle Majic: AND bouncing castle

Uncle Majic: Call for yo kid birthday party!
Uncle Majic: 718-892-0760

Uncle Majic: Who's your favorite uncle?
Kid: Uncle Majic!!

The commercial is classic. Best line is obviously "Call for yo kid birthday party". I'm definitely considering calling him for my birthday party next month. He actually looks like he's a nice guy. Shock-Kim the Clown is probably a very sad motherfucker. Does anybody disagree with that statement? I really don't think he's the one who celebrities call for their kids' birthday party. The magically appearing party components were amazing as well. I bet that's his cell number that he lists.



The website is great too. "While levitating dollar bills and cans of soda or pulling pigeons out of thin air, his DJ spins the hottest rap tunes". You should check out the photos sections. He has two good ones with Russell Simmons. The bottom line of "Who the Celebrities Call for their Kids Parties" is an excellent selling point. Who wouldn't be excited when Uncle Majik pulls up in his wrapped (possibly) 300Z? You also shouldn't forget that he's "As Seen of TV". Uncle Majic has a professional marketing team behind him and he has no problem showing off their creative prowess.

Mobile Post: Praying My Flight Is Delayed

Official Chris Duncan is an official dumbass. I locked my rental car keys
in the car. Now Im waiting for a locksmith to reactivate the Ford
Fusion. My flight is at 1:20 and its just about noon. Its going to
take about 30 minutesto get to the airport and another 30 to return
the car, take the shuttle, and check in. I'm possibly fucked. Wish me
luck.

Mobile Post: At a College Apt

I'm at a BU college apt. Nothing posses me off more than people not
having fun. Fuck Maxim. Fuck Heidi. Fuck any jackass that uses 10 oz of
gel every day.

Mobile Post: Eff Boston in its Effing A

I'm at Logan Airport waiting for the Budget Car Rental bus. Its pretty
approriately named since I have been standing here for 15 minutes.
I've seen two Thrifty buses and possibly three from Alamo.

At least it gives me time to admire the above poster of The Golden
Boy. Last time I was in Boston, the closest thing to something like
this was a regional Vitamin Water ad with Big Papi. The Patriots may
not have gone 19-0, but T Brady's handsome is undefeated all-time.

When is Tom Brady ever getting off of helicopters? Even if it did
actually happen, why is he wearing a trench coat? It would probably
be more effective if it said "one drop of Tom Brady ball-sweat in each
bottle". Those are championship balls.

I'm Famous! But That's a Relative Statement...

Yesterday, I had my first of two (or more?) posts published on the Playboy Blog. Because I'm quite the looker, the editorial staff felt like throwing me a bone and linking the article on the front page with my picture along with it. I feel like a pseudo-celebrity but not quite at the level of the guy from Crazy Town on Celebrity Rehab. Too bad most people will think that my name is Mark Frazier if they don't read the article (it is Playboy.com). My phone has been ringing off the hook... but that's because I misplaced it and was trying to locate it by sound (too bad it was on vibrate). Other than that, it's business as usual with Official Chris Duncan.

His name is Seth Binzer

I'm sure everybody fucking hates that picture of me by now. I apologize.

While I'm riding high with the increased exposure of the Chris Duncan brand, I'm still not as "big" as Romeo Dev. I was linked to Romeo Dev yesterday by my co-worker Nikolai and then also saw his pictures on the screen of another co-worker. Nikolai linked me to FoxNews and Lisa was looking at the Daily Telegraph. I also saw that Romeo had a link to his Telegraph article on DrudgeReport. Drudge and FoxNews get around a million unique visitors a day. Romeo's article appeared on The Daily Telegraph, Xinhua News, The Daily Mail, and was syndicated on local Fox News websites. He was also on blogs like Boing Boing and Best Week Ever. That's a lot of eyeballs.

Bodybuilder Romeo Dev on Xinhua News (bottom right)

The man got a ridiculous amount of exposure for being a dwarf that also happens to be a bodybuilder. This guy is 50,000X more famous than I am and probably just as famous as Seth Binzer. I would have originally said that Romeo was twice as famous, but that was before I found out that he was in the only Martin Short movie I actually like... Clifford. I can't really count Jungle 2 Jungle and I haven't seen Three Amigos all the way through. You can look at the graph below that charts blog posts with Seth Binzer vs. Romeo Dev as topics. Obviously, Ice Rocket isn't the best measuring stick, but it at least gives us part of the story. There's no denying the spike that Romeo Dev has seen in the past few days. It's hilarious to me that Romeo chooses to rock a Slim Shady-like hairdo. Two people that saw this for the first time instantly said that he was fake. I've been called a lot of nasty things -- but nobody has ever claimed that I didn't exist. Maybe he's claymation.

Romeo Dev vs. Seth Binzer vs. Shifty Shellshock

Personally, I have a problem with the fact that many of the kids growing up (and those of us that are now avoiding adulthood) have top goals consisting of being rich or being famous. The problem with that is being rich and being famous are the results of accomplishment. You can't "do" either of them. And you can ask Britney whether or not fame is as wonderful as those people would imagine. I'm not at the point where I have to worry about paparazzi though. I'm not even the most famous Duncan at Playboy. There are actually three Duncans in the New York office. The other two are Richard Duncan (who pointed out a typo in my Mark Frazier post) and Aaron Duncan, a bigwig in our licensing department. Aaron Duncan still has me beat in the playboy+duncan Google search. It's going to be hard to climb above him since he's actually worth writing about. But then again, all I do is make posts about myself.