OCD Quote of the Day 6/23

"I gotta tell you. Jason Giambi hasn't really been in my good graces for quite some time. But now that he's clearly back on the juice and sporting a mustache, he's becoming one of my favorite players in all of baseball."- Anonymous Yankees Fan

This one comes from my friend John. He's a huge Yankees fan. I'm pretty sure that he thinks this is really funny because he agrees with it 100%. I also like Jason Giambi, so I support his return to the needle. Juice may bring back his home run power, confidence, and intimidating stare. But it won't bring back his endorsements... yet. God, I wish his deodorant commercial was still on TV. (Picture: Giambi as a minor leaguer on the Alaska Goldpanners)

Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.

What A Rip Off

Being an excellent writer, it isn't surprising that my work influences others. However, it's unfortunate when you work is just "re-mixed" into some bastardized version of what you originally wrote. Below are two examples of articles from the Washington Post and New York Times that are very similar to blog posts I wrote before they were published. We've almost got some Jayson Blair shit on our hands here.

Three years ago, I wrote an article for my internship that didn't get a ton of views -- but I see a similar article once a month from a major publication. The piece was about the pitfalls of online identity and the lack of privacy/permanency/availability of this web presence. My internship was about networking and recruiting, so there's an obvious career/professional slant to my piece.

From my article (7/31/2005):
"Nearly everybody has a professional presence online–even college students who don’t realize that their personal virtual presence is also often their professional personal presence. It is increasingly important to protect these representations of ourselves.

Without realizing it, these footprints that we create (or are created for us) are indexed, linked, cited, and sometimes even copied. It is available, searchable, and most scary, perpetual. An incriminating quote or picture can be saved and reproduced on a site that is out of your control."

From the Washington Post (5/2/2008):
"Social networks, which let members share photos, videos and intimate details about themselves and their friends, have pushed the boundaries of how people view their personal space. Now, the younger generations that used to embrace the voyeuristic qualities of the Web are considering the advantages of borders between their public and private lives.

In person, people tend to adapt their behavior to the situation -- talking to a co-worker requires different language and attitude than what's comfortable with a college friend. On social networks, everyone's in on the same conversation."

More recently, the New York Times fashion/design blog The Moment wrote a very similar Axe Detailer piece yesterday morning. I wrote about the AXE detailer last week after I saw an ad for the product in the July Playboy.

From my post (6/12/2008):

"You can see it has a grip, strap, and a different texture on top. But we all know this is a basic loofah. The ad in the magazine has two blurbs pointing to spots on the detailer that say "Scrubs candle wax off your chest hair" and "Washes lipstick off your neck". This way, AXE consumers know that this product is for people with penises who like vaginas. I guess candle wax and lipstick could still apply to a tranny."

From the New York Times blog The Moment (6/19/08):

"The Axe Detailer Shower Tool, I quickly discovered, is basically a souped-up loofah for men: red and black with futuristic plastic molding. “Body puffs are sooo feminine,” one wide-eyed PR woman told me. “I mean, you don’t have one, do you?” I do. It’s white and only as feminine (or masculine) as, say, a MacBook, trees, pencils or the subway."

Kevin Garnett's NBA Finals Postgame Rant

I hope you all were watching Game 6 of the NBA Finals where the Celtics thoroughly beat down the Lakers. Kevin Garnett was assaulted by Michele Tafoya after the game and was forced into an interview. Clearly, it was an emotional moment since KG says some random and crazy things. He kicks it off with "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!" and then some profanity... sweet. Thanking Chicago and his mom and whoever else was a nice touch. The interview probably should have ended after "TOP OF THE WORLD! TOP OF THE WORLD!" The clip underneath was my first dabble with Red Lasso. It's the incredibly interesting and informative piece on Kevin Garnett bringing peanut butter and jelly to the Celtics. Red Lasso lets me get clips from broadcast TV and a few cable televisions. They've gotten cease and desist letters from the major networks... but I'll use it until The Man brings them down!

MexiKen in Action

Many of you know Mario Lopez as A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell. More recently, he's been in ABDC (my roommate insists on calling it that) or America's Best Dance Crew. I've been forced to watch short portions of this show and Mario Lopez defies logic. He's 34 now and he still looks like he's in his low 20's. He looks like a Mexican Ken Doll, so we call him MexiKen. Credit my roommate Alex for that one.

This one pretty much explains itself

MexiKen is almost offensively gigantic, so they make him wear a jacket over all of his form-fitting shirts. I'm convinced that he's on steroids or HGH just like Matthew McConaughey. I think that he probably started during the SBTB years. But that's another post for another time.

Favorite comment on the original blog post with these pictures: "He looks like he has a big delcious cock" - Anonymous


However, his garb at his other gig is even more interesting. If you don't live in New York, you may not know that Mario Lopez hit Broadway in A Chorus Line. Take deep breaths -- I know you've been waiting for years. I'm an expert web surfer, so I found a few pictures of MLope in action. Also, best line from his Wikipedia: "He was married to Ali Landry for 2 weeks, ending on May 15, 2004. The marriage was annulled over alleged infidelities committed by Lopez during the relationship, and particularly the week leading up to the wedding." Please take time to vote on your favorite MexiKen picture!



Totally DTF


Timid Climber


Cross My Heart And Hope To Fabulous

OCD Quote of the Day 6/16

"I would like to go on a piss-drinking diet."

Now this is my kind of girl. I just love a girl who loves to drink piss. I'm a little bit wary of her Caucasian-only policy. It's also a little bit strange that the girl in the picture has brown hair when she says she has blonde hair. In any case, I love the vinyl dress, I have a hot cock, and she can host. This is a win-win-win-win situation. Hands off my girl, freaks! I'd like to credit Alex for sending this one in by email (subject: my kind of girl).

Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.

Anna Faris' Ex-Husband Ben Indra

Anna Faris is in the upcoming movie House Bunny where she plays a Playboy Playmate that gets kicked out of the Mansion. I decided to do a little research on her (it's sort of my job) and found out that she used to be married. The first picture I saw of her ex wasn't out of the ordinary. Then I found a couple others that seemed to tell a story. You can draw your own conclusions...

First (from 2003)


Fat


Fattest

OCD Breakdown: Nobody Wants to Be Gay

Since most guys also erroneously associate person hygiene with gayness, Unilever mercilessly markets AXE with the message that it will get you laid. Aside from the obvious reasons, this is hilarious because they're also behind the Dove: Real Beauty campaign. Hypocrites. They've also realized that you can only make so many different kinds of soap because AXE has moved into new territory: exfoliating tools. I picked up an advance copy of the new July Playboy and saw AXE is marketing the AXE Detailer. Here's what it looks like:

The Detailer may wash off candle wax and lipstick... but what about the shame of anonymous homosexual experimentation?
You can see it has a grip, strap, and a different texture on top. But we all know this is a basic loofah. The ad in the magazine has two blurbs pointing to spots on the detailer that say "Scrubs candle wax off your chest hair" and "Washes lipstick off your neck". This way, AXE consumers know that this product is for people with penises who like vaginas. I guess candle wax and lipstick could still apply to a tranny.

If you couldn't already tell, I despise this marketing tactic. What's more aggravating is that every single men's grooming product has gone this route... shave gel, body wash, fragrance, and pretty much everything else. I use Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Oil shampoo, Kiehl's facial lotion, Neutrogena lip balm & face wash, Aveda phomollient, Aveeno bodywash & shaving cream, and a Sonicare toothbrush. Sure, the result is spectacularly smooth and soft skin, shiny and thick hair, and bright white teeth... but it's also just a reinforcement of my own vanity.

The bottom line is: AXE smells like shit, won't get you laid, and being afraid of gayness usually a good sign you might be gay in the first place.

Bringing PenisBack

In a horrible twist of irony, a Chinese baby has been born with "extra manhood" on his back. I wonder what that scar is going to look like. Thanks for sending this to me at work, Nikolai.

Worst Ads of All Time

The new WNBA commercials are horrible. They all start with WNBA stars lambasting women's basketball before it ends with "SHE WOULDN'T SAY THAT. WOULD YOU?" Don't get me wrong -- that grabs your attention and makes a point. On the other hand, they seriously fail to evoke any actions from a viewer.

At best, they can get somebody who dislikes women's basketball to say "hey, it's not so bad". If you have a viewer that's neutral or already a fan, there's nothing for them to take away from the message. At the same time, the commercial opens with overwhelmingly negative comments about women's basketball. Nobody is going to seek the WNBA on TV or buy game tickets after seeing those spots. It's like the NFL coming out with a Michael Vick/Pacman Jones commercial preaching the virtues of thug life. Although that probably WOULD increase viewership and sell tickets.

Below are two of the videos that I've actually seen on TV (during NBA games). The Candace Parker spot on top is probably worse. She has some pretty harsh words while they show a montage of WNBA highlights. The second one... I don't even have to say anything here. Even the first WNBA ad campaign ("We Got Next") is better than this crap. You can watch them for yourself and decide how much of a sexist douchebag I am...

OCD Actual Conversation & Work Email

Below are two recent exchanges ... one between me and a friend (Anonymous Asshole Friend) and the other is with my co-worker Lisa K and a girl that wanted a job in our department. Two things are clear: Isiah Thomas is a jackass and you should put more than 5 minutes of effort into a cover letter.

OCD: Now Cablevision is trying again, with a $15 million campaign — the biggest since Fuse was introduced in 2003 — and yet another attempt to portray Fuse as a source of mainstream music. This time, Cablevision is turning to one of its own to make the marketing work: Kristin Dolan, who, in addition to being a senior vice president at the company, is the wife of James L. Dolan, Cablevision’s chief executive.
AAF: hahaha awesome
OCD: In addition to boning the CEO, she is also a marketing person
AAF: and isiah thomas has been named general manager, president and head coach of the fuse network


From Lisa
> Hi Cameron:
>
> Thanks for sending this through. A word to the wise, when you are
> sending a cover letter, you should probably fill in the generic blanks
> before sending :)

Cameron's Response
I'm mortified. Thank you for telling me instead of just not
responding, now it's a mistake I'll never make again. Sorry for
wasting your time and I appreciate your response.

OCD Actual Work Email

We have a lot of RFP's (requests for proposals) from a variety of clients. The main advertisers that care about what I do (college marketing) are usually video games, movie/DVD releases, and grooming products. This note came from one of our sales guys along with the RFP document. Our sales guy took it one step further by explaining a part of the plot we may have missed. This email is quite ridiculous (and yes, this is the entire email with nothing deleted).

Thanks again Stephen.

How do you think we could incorporate Just Cause 2 to Spring Break?

Again there’s this miniature, evil billionaire who hires 6 beautiful women (hopefully Playmates) as his ninja body guards. The guys lives on his own tropical island

Lindsay Lohan's Gust-o @ MTV Movie Awards

Linz walked the red carpet and showed off her svelt look and also her undies. ThisIsLondon has posted pictures from the MTV Movie Awards.


A few important notes:

• An untimely gust of wind lifted Lindsay Lohan's dress before she could fight it back down.
• Rumer Willis still needs chin-reduction surgery
• Megan Fox looked amazing and should never stand next to anybody EVER... it's just not fair (she's also smart enough to hold her dress down)
• Anne Hathaway, who I think is dreamy, wins award for most resembling the main character from the movie Powder
• As much as I want to hate Heidi Montague, she looks FUCKING great
• Sarah Jessica Parker broke the world record for eyeshadow... she looks like she's possessed
• Rainn Wilson came oh-so-close to Brian-Austin-Greening Megan Fox